derpy
Temp TF2 Banned
Hey guys,
I just wrote my first college app essay. Well, the first draft. I kind of wrote it under pressure as my english teacher wants everybody to bring in a first draft so that we can edit it in class together tomorrow.
Anyways, I'm 17 and am going to be going to college in the US. I would love all the feedback I could get for this. Be brutal, be honest, but be constructive. I'd appreciate all the help I could get. Thanks
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Prompt: What was the most memorable advice, good or bad, you have ever received? Did you follow it? What happened? (approximately 250 words)
Rip Tide
The quality of the advice I have received over the years has varied, ranging from gems such as “The most important place to dry after a shower is in between your toes,” to your run-of-the-mill, “If you can dream it, you can do it!” However, our Danish family friend Henrik’s words still ring in my head to this day. “Be aware of your surroundings.” He told me this when I visited California and swam in the ocean for the first time in my life. Although he was referring to the rip tides that could have pulled me farther into the ocean, I found myself following his advice nearly a decade later.
“Be aware of your surroundings” was not only a phrase that caused me to be more cautious but I also started to be more resourceful. I used to be a perfectionist, thinking there was only one answer to every problem. As I grew, I kept Henrik’s advice in mind and realized that the people in my surroundings all had unique thoughts. I not only became more open to new methods but also to new ideas. In math, I never understood why there were so many methods to doing the same problem. We learned at least three different ways of dividing and I got very frustrated, thinking it was all a waste of time. I realized that we did not learn new methods just to keep us busy; we learned them because one method might work better for one person than for another. Most importantly, thanks to Henrik’s advice, I never drowned in a rip tide.
I just wrote my first college app essay. Well, the first draft. I kind of wrote it under pressure as my english teacher wants everybody to bring in a first draft so that we can edit it in class together tomorrow.
Anyways, I'm 17 and am going to be going to college in the US. I would love all the feedback I could get for this. Be brutal, be honest, but be constructive. I'd appreciate all the help I could get. Thanks
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Prompt: What was the most memorable advice, good or bad, you have ever received? Did you follow it? What happened? (approximately 250 words)
Rip Tide
The quality of the advice I have received over the years has varied, ranging from gems such as “The most important place to dry after a shower is in between your toes,” to your run-of-the-mill, “If you can dream it, you can do it!” However, our Danish family friend Henrik’s words still ring in my head to this day. “Be aware of your surroundings.” He told me this when I visited California and swam in the ocean for the first time in my life. Although he was referring to the rip tides that could have pulled me farther into the ocean, I found myself following his advice nearly a decade later.
“Be aware of your surroundings” was not only a phrase that caused me to be more cautious but I also started to be more resourceful. I used to be a perfectionist, thinking there was only one answer to every problem. As I grew, I kept Henrik’s advice in mind and realized that the people in my surroundings all had unique thoughts. I not only became more open to new methods but also to new ideas. In math, I never understood why there were so many methods to doing the same problem. We learned at least three different ways of dividing and I got very frustrated, thinking it was all a waste of time. I realized that we did not learn new methods just to keep us busy; we learned them because one method might work better for one person than for another. Most importantly, thanks to Henrik’s advice, I never drowned in a rip tide.
