Funnies
- Thread starter Remy
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vinny paz
TD Admin
What did the blind, deaf, paraplegic boy get for Christmas?
Cancer
Knock-knock.
Who's there?
The police. Your entire family was killed in a car wreck.
What's worse then finding a worm in your apple?
Being shot in the head
So this guy walks into the doctor's and says "Doctor, it hurts when I poke my leg like this." The doctor says "Yes, you've shattered both your kneecaps. You'll never walk again."
Cancer
Knock-knock.
Who's there?
The police. Your entire family was killed in a car wreck.
What's worse then finding a worm in your apple?
Being shot in the head
So this guy walks into the doctor's and says "Doctor, it hurts when I poke my leg like this." The doctor says "Yes, you've shattered both your kneecaps. You'll never walk again."
Vinny is a meanie head.
47
TD Admin, Chicken Licker, Top Shelf Sleeper
[quote1236370375=vinny paz]
What did the blind, deaf, paraplegic boy get for Christmas?
Cancer
Knock-knock.
Who's there?
The police. Your entire family was killed in a car wreck.
What's worse then finding a worm in your apple?
Being shot in the head
So this guy walks into the doctor's and says "Doctor, it hurts when I poke my leg like this." The doctor says "Yes, you've shattered both your kneecaps. You'll never walk again."
[/quote1236370375]
i is not understand ? y no funny ?
What did the blind, deaf, paraplegic boy get for Christmas?
Cancer
Knock-knock.
Who's there?
The police. Your entire family was killed in a car wreck.
What's worse then finding a worm in your apple?
Being shot in the head
So this guy walks into the doctor's and says "Doctor, it hurts when I poke my leg like this." The doctor says "Yes, you've shattered both your kneecaps. You'll never walk again."
[/quote1236370375]
i is not understand ? y no funny ?
"Doctor doctor, my brother thinks he's a chicken. But we never talk about it b/c we need the eggs"
Groucho Marks: Ladies why don't the 3 of us get married?
2 Ladies: Why sir that's bigamy!
Groucho: I think that's big of me too!
"Sorry I'm late but my watch stopped. It had to, it was running fast all week!"
Groucho Marks: Ladies why don't the 3 of us get married?
2 Ladies: Why sir that's bigamy!
Groucho: I think that's big of me too!
"Sorry I'm late but my watch stopped. It had to, it was running fast all week!"
OG buckshot jr
TD Admin
This one's for us nerds lol
Computer trouble!
I was having trouble with my computer. So I called John, the 11 year
old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over. John clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"
He replied, "It was an ID ten T error." I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An, ID ten T error? What's that, in case I need to fix it again?"
John grinned, "haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?''. "No", I replied.
"Write it down", he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."
So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T...... I used to like the little shit!
Computer trouble!
I was having trouble with my computer. So I called John, the 11 year
old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over. John clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"
He replied, "It was an ID ten T error." I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An, ID ten T error? What's that, in case I need to fix it again?"
John grinned, "haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?''. "No", I replied.
"Write it down", he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."
So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T...... I used to like the little shit!
OG buckshot jr
TD Admin
LOLOLOL MY NEW SPRAY!!!!!!!!!! THANKS NARF!!!!!
EDIT: I'm going to attempt to change the "Virginia" to "Virgin" lol
EDIT: I'm going to attempt to change the "Virginia" to "Virgin" lol
Ba Chicka Wa Wa
TD Member
Hell just using paint that would be easy... that's funny shit.
I'm gonna start a new thread on this "custom plates"
I'm gonna start a new thread on this "custom plates"
Remy
TD Member / Gay Gyoza
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple was involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting they began to wonder....Could they possibly get married in Heaven?
When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in heaven. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he left.
The couple sat and waited for an answer.... for a couple of months.
While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all? "What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?"
Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled.
"Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven."
"Great!" said the couple. "But we were just wondering; what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.
"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.
"
H, COME ON!!!" St. Peter shouted. "It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer???"
When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in heaven. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he left.
The couple sat and waited for an answer.... for a couple of months.
While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all? "What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?"
Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled.
"Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven."
"Great!" said the couple. "But we were just wondering; what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.
"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.
"
H, COME ON!!!" St. Peter shouted. "It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer???"
OG buckshot jr
TD Admin
lol niice
Remy
TD Member / Gay Gyoza
There were two golfers on the golf course. One of the men pulled out a cigarette, and asked his friend for a light. His friend pulls out a 12 inch Bic lighter.
"Woah, where did you get such a large Bic?"
"h, my genie got it for me."
"Your genie? You have a genie? Where is he?"
"He is in my golf bag."
"Can I see him?"
So the friend looks in the bag and out comes the genie. The man says to the genie
"I am your master's best friend. Would you grant me just one wish?"
The genie says "yes, just one wish". So the man wishes for a million bucks. The genie goes back in the golf bag without saying a word.
Pretty soon, the sky starts to get dark. Then it gets even darker. The man looks up and sees a million ducks. He gets real upset, and says "what is the matter with your genie? Is he hard of hearing? I said a million Bucks, not a million Ducks."
"Do you really think I asked for a 12 inch Bic?"
"Woah, where did you get such a large Bic?"
"
h, my genie got it for me.""Your genie? You have a genie? Where is he?"
"He is in my golf bag."
"Can I see him?"
So the friend looks in the bag and out comes the genie. The man says to the genie
"I am your master's best friend. Would you grant me just one wish?"
The genie says "yes, just one wish". So the man wishes for a million bucks. The genie goes back in the golf bag without saying a word.
Pretty soon, the sky starts to get dark. Then it gets even darker. The man looks up and sees a million ducks. He gets real upset, and says "what is the matter with your genie? Is he hard of hearing? I said a million Bucks, not a million Ducks."
"Do you really think I asked for a 12 inch Bic?"
Remy
TD Member / Gay Gyoza
Choosing Passwords:
A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, she told him that he would now need to enter a password. Something he could remember easily and will use each time he has to log on.
The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So.... when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in...
P...
E...
N...
I...
S...
His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:
"PASSWORD REJECTED - NOT LONG ENOUGH"
A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, she told him that he would now need to enter a password. Something he could remember easily and will use each time he has to log on.
The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So.... when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in...
P...
E...
N...
I...
S...
His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:
"PASSWORD REJECTED - NOT LONG ENOUGH"
omission
TD Admin
Q. Why was the blonde proud to finish her jigsaw puzzle in six months?
A. The box said '2-4 years!'
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
A. Not everybody has been in a limo.
Q. How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A. 69 Interrupted by a period.
Q. What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A. The more you bang them, the more loose they get.
Q. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A. Wonder if it's mine.
Q. What do blondes and a cow patties have in common?
A. The older they are, the easier they are to pick up.
Q. Why is a washing machine better then a blonde?
A. You can drop your load in it and it won't follow you around for a week.
Q. How does a blonde like her eggs?
A. Unfertilized.
Q. Why did the blonde only change her baby's diapers monthly?
A. The box said 'for 20 pounds.'
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and the titanic?
A. They know how many men went down on the titanic.
Q. What does a blonde and computer have in common?
A. You don't know how much either means to you untill they go down on you.
Q. Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
A. They can't dial the 11 in 911
Q. How do you drown a blonde?
A. Put a mirror on the bottom of the pool.
A. The box said '2-4 years!'
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
A. Not everybody has been in a limo.
Q. How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A. 69 Interrupted by a period.
Q. What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A. The more you bang them, the more loose they get.
Q. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A. Wonder if it's mine.
Q. What do blondes and a cow patties have in common?
A. The older they are, the easier they are to pick up.
Q. Why is a washing machine better then a blonde?
A. You can drop your load in it and it won't follow you around for a week.
Q. How does a blonde like her eggs?
A. Unfertilized.
Q. Why did the blonde only change her baby's diapers monthly?
A. The box said 'for 20 pounds.'
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and the titanic?
A. They know how many men went down on the titanic.
Q. What does a blonde and computer have in common?
A. You don't know how much either means to you untill they go down on you.
Q. Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
A. They can't dial the 11 in 911
Q. How do you drown a blonde?
A. Put a mirror on the bottom of the pool.
Fork Included
TD Admin
crickets?
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