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Remy

Remy

TD Member / Gay Gyoza
A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'

Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal:
'What is 3 x 3?'
Harry:
'9'

Principal:
'What is 6 x 6?'
Harry:
'36'

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her,
'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.'

Ms. Brooks says to the principal,
'Let me ask him some questions.'

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'
Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'

Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

The principal wondered why would she ask such a
question!

Harry replied: 'Pockets.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'

Harry:
'Pants.'

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?'
Harry:
'Coconut.'

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks:
'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'

Harry: 'Shake hands.'

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'

Harry:
'Firetruck.'

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the
teacher,

'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong...'
 
Remy

Remy

TD Member / Gay Gyoza
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the Monarch of a neighbouring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur's youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be killed.

The question was: What do women really want?

Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgable man, and, to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. Well, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end. He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody: the princess, the prostitutes, the priests, the wise men, the court jester. In all, he spoke with everyone but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

What most people did tell him was to consult the old witch, as only she would know the answer. The price would be high, since the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged. The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no alternative but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer his question, but he'd have to accept her price first....The old witch wanted to marry Gawain, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified: she was hunchbacked and awfully hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage water, often made obscene noises... He had never run across such a repugnant creature. He refused to force his friend to marry her and have to endure such a burden.

Gawain, upon learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He told him that nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table. Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the witch answered Arthur's question.

What a woman really wants is to be able to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it went. The neighboring monarch spared Arthur's life and granted him total freedom. What a wedding Gawain and the witch had! Arthur was torn between relief and anguish. Gawain was proper as always, gentle and courteous. The old witch put her worst manners on display. She ate with her hands, belched and farted, and made everyone uncomfortable.

The wedding night approached: Gawain, steeling himself for a horrific night, entered the bedroom. What a sight awaited! The most beautiful woman he'd ever seen lay before him!

Gawain was astounded and asked what had happened. The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her (when she'd been a witch), half the time she would be her horrible, deformed self, and the other half, she would be her beautiful maiden self. Which would he want her to be during the day and which during the night?

What a cruel question....Gawain began to think of his predicament. During the day a beautiful woman to show off to his friend, but at night, in the privacy of his home, a old spooky witch? Or would he prefer having by day a hideous witch, but by night a beautiful woman to enjoy many intimate moments?

What would you do? What Gawain chose follows below, but don't read until you've made your own choice.
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Noble Gawain replied that he would let her choose for herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time, because he had respected her and had let her be in charge of her own life. What is the moral of this story?
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THE MORAL IS THAT IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOUR WOMAN IS PRETTY OR
UGLY; UNDERNEATH IT ALL, SHE'S STILL A WITCH.
 
Remy

Remy

TD Member / Gay Gyoza
A little boy goes to his dad and asks...."What is Politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family, so call me The Prime Minister.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.
The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his nappy.

So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.

Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "The prime Minister is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep sh*t."
 
Kirock

Kirock

Bad luck!

Last week I left 2 Toronto Maple Leafs tickets in plain site on my dash board. (I know..idiot)!

Some asshole breaks in and leaves 2 more!
 
Remy

Remy

TD Member / Gay Gyoza
Health Canada:

Question: Last week the stanley cup was in town and i went by and gave it a kiss. I was wondering what the odds were that i could catch listeria?

Answer: Sir you dont have to worry maple leaf hasnt been near the cup in over 40 years.

FUCK YOU KIROK make me pull out my maple leafs jokes
 
Kirock

Kirock

:)



The O.P.P. Are cracking down on speeders heading into Toronto.

For the first offense,they give you two Toronto Maple Leaf tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.



Q. What do you call 30 millionaires sitting around a TV watching the Stanley Cup Playoffs?

A. The Toronto Maple Leafs



Q. What do the Toronto Maple Leafs and Billy Graham have in common?

A. They both can make 20,000 people stand up and yell 'Jesus Christ'.



Q. How do you keep the Toronto Maple Leafs out of your yard?

A. Put up a goal net.



Q. What do you call a Toronto Maple Leaf with a Stanley Cup ring?

A. A thief.



Q. How many Toronto Maple Leafs does it take to win a Stanley Cup?

A. Nobody knows and we may never find out.



Q. What do the Toronto Maple Leafs and possums have in common?

A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.
 
marinerevenge

marinerevenge

TD Member
Q.How do you get 100 babies into a bucket?

A.BLENDER! :)


Q.Now.. how do you get em' back out?

A. Tortilla Chips!


Q. Why do you put the babies in the blender feet first?

A. So you can see the expression on it's face!


Q. Whats the difference between my girlfriend and a baby?

A. I don't kiss my girlfriend after sex.


Q. Whats the difference between a truck load of bowling balls, and a truck full of babies?

A. You can't unload the truck full of bowling balls with a pitch fork.


Q. Why did the baby cross the road?

A. It was tied to the bumper!


Q. How many babies does it take to paint a house?

A. Depends on how hard you throw them.


Q. What do a baby and a pinto have in common?

A. They're both fun to ride until they die.
 
marinerevenge

marinerevenge

TD Member
Q. What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?

A. Fucked.


Q.How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?

A. Nail it's other hand to the floor.



Q. What gets louder as it gets smaller?

A. A baby in a trash compactor.


Q. What's more fun than strapping a baby to a clothesline and then spinning it around at 200km/h?

A. Stopping it with a shovel.


Q. What is better than a dead baby?

A. The Revoked Child Support.
 
OG buckshot jr

OG buckshot jr

TD Admin
[quote1233546472=MarineRevenge]
Q. What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?

A. Fucked.


Q.How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?

A. Nail it's other hand to the floor.



Q. What gets louder as it gets smaller?

A. A baby in a trash compactor.


Q. What's more fun than strapping a baby to a clothesline and then spinning it around at 200km/h?

A. Stopping it with a shovel.


Q. What is better than a dead baby?

A. The Revoked Child Support.
[/quote1233546472]

wtf?
 
marinerevenge

marinerevenge

TD Member
[quote1233553567=OG buckshot jr]
[quote1233546472=MarineRevenge]
Q. What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?

A. Fucked.


Q.How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?

A. Nail it's other hand to the floor.



Q. What gets louder as it gets smaller?

A. A baby in a trash compactor.


Q. What's more fun than strapping a baby to a clothesline and then spinning it around at 200km/h?

A. Stopping it with a shovel.


Q. What is better than a dead baby?

A. The Revoked Child Support.
[/quote1233546472]

wtf?
[/quote1233553567]

They are jokes? :/
 
Remy

Remy

TD Member / Gay Gyoza
A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:


You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!


So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.....

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.' So she continues upward.

The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going..

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak...

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:-

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor.
This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
 
Ba Chicka Wa Wa

Ba Chicka Wa Wa

TD Member
Ok this joke has two answers and I'm not sure which is worse...

Why do tampons have strings?






1. So you can floss after you eat












2. So the crabs can go bungee jumping
 
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