I never really knew my father since he left when I was 4, but my uncle was my most fatherly figure.
He died about three years ago, and at first I didnt believe it.
I got a call from my mom while i was in school, telling me she was picking me up for an emergency.
She wasnt blood-related with my uncle since he was my fathers brother, but she still seemed very upset.
She drives the two of us to the hospital and upon arrival I can see my aunt, and a few other relatives waiting for us,
we walk inside the hospital and go to the ER waiting room, doctor tells us that my uncle had a heart attack while coaching
a high-school baseball team.
Tells us that he will be fine as long as he takes the surgery..... died during.
For a very long time I was lost, and for a very long time I was angry.
I couldnt find anyway to relieve my stress, I couldnt find anyone that was able to sympathize with me, I was alone.
I went to the YMCA near my house, signed-up and for weeks and weeks and weeks, I was always there.
It was the only place I was able to truly scream out my pain, crying and yelling daily helped me out most of the time.
after about a year, I met my pastor on the subway ride to the YMCA, I was crying remembering the time I first rode the TTC
with my uncle.
My pastor notices this and asks me what was wrong.
We talked, talked about the amazing things my uncle did for my mother, the amazing things my uncle did for our family, talked about how he died.
he told me a few things about God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.
"Without evil there is no good, without sin there is no righteousness"
words that I live by, that day was the first day I was able to accept his death.
I ended up not going to the gym that day, instead, I talked with the pastor for hours even grabbing some dinner after.
While typing this I realized how fortunate I was to meet my pastor.
Before we parted ways
I asked him, "My uncle was never christian, but he always told me he believed in the human soul, and that one man can always make the world, or someones, better, will he still go to heaven?"
he replies. "It will be up to god to decide whether or not he will be accepted to heaven... but, your uncle has left something on earth that still HAS the power to make a change, you."
Super cheesy, and super movie maker magic, but if you feel like you are alone and you feel a little helpless, just cry and scream it out.
You will feel so much better afterwards, someone will hear your cries and screams, and someone might come and help you.
:)
