mandy
TD Member
#6.The Natural World: Man Goes Nuts on Nature
What They Predicted:
Apparently the people in the past were pretty sure we would've finally gotten our shit together and won the war against Mother Nature that we all forgot we were waging. They saw a future where there were literally "no Mosquitoes nor Flies. Insect screens will be unnecessary. Boards of health will have destroyed all mosquito haunts and breeding-grounds, drained all stagnant pools, filled in all swamp-lands, and chemically treated all still-water streams.
What We Have Instead:
Vegetarians.
#5.The Future of War: Road Warrior
What They Predicted:
In the past, men envisioned the modern world as a dark dystopia where "war cars will be used for all modern ground combat" and "giant guns will shoot twenty-five miles or more, with shells that explode entire cities." And that isn't terribly far off from the scale of artillery we have now. However, they thought the only logical counter-measure to these god-bullets were gargantuan "bomb-proof forts, protected by great steel plates over their tops as well as sides. Huge forts on wheels that will dash across open spaces at the speed of express trains."
What We Have Instead:
KIA Rio and the Prius.
#4.Global Relations: USA! USA! USA!
What They Predicted:
We don't know what, exactly, people were smoking back in the 1900s, but boy did it make them love America. The 1900s man loved America so much he believed that other countries would be begging to join us by now. They honestly believed that "Nicaragua will ask for admission to our Union ... Mexico will be next," followed shortly thereafter by the majority of Europe. According to their predictions, everyone was supposed to be just lining up to join us, and it was only a matter of time before the entire world just became Planet America.
What We Have Instead:
Instead, in the last 10 years alone we've lost the majority of our international allies, started up a few wars that didn't go so well, and with our unemployment so high and our dollar value so low, any other country would be stupid for even thinking about hopping aboard.
#3.Physical Fitness: We Will Be Breeding Super Children
What They Predicted:
1900s American Man assumed that, by this time, we'd be teaching gymnastics and starting weight training for babies. Babies. Honestly: They looked at a babies, with their tiny hands and soft skin and eyes full of wonder and thought, "Man, what a pussy." These horse-massacring bastards were not fucking around: They imagined gymnastics starting in the nursery, "where all toys and games will be designed to strengthen the muscles." Maybe they're just trying to breed cheap, reliable labor to make up for all the horses they planned on murdering.
What We Have Instead:
Fat asses.
#2.Education: A Brilliant and Generous Future
What They Predicted:
Even in the 1900s - when they were stuffing children down the toilet to clear out clogs - they still thought we'd be sending poor kids around the world on vacation by now. They believed university education would be free to everyone, and that poor students would be given free board, clothing, books, and during vacation time "poor children will be taken on trips to various parts of the world."
What We Have Instead:
High school drop outs due to the lack of money for further education.
Personal Transportation; Awesome, Yet Goatshit Crazy
What They Predicted:
Like everybody else, turn-of-the-century man was absolutely certain we'd all be flying by now. They didn't imagine flying cars or jetpacks or anything implausible like that - they just thought bi-planes (before we'd even officially made the first flight!) and balloons would be enough to keep modern man airborne constantly. Obviously we don't all have jetpacks or even measly personal hovercrafts, so obviously all of human technological achievement is a huge fucking letdown. Even in the most simple of transportation matters we have disappointed them tremendously.
What We Have Instead:
Slow, earthbound food distributors. And we're too retarded to even work those right. Good job, society; just ram that Taco Bell until burritos pop out. You're a champ.
What They Predicted:
Apparently the people in the past were pretty sure we would've finally gotten our shit together and won the war against Mother Nature that we all forgot we were waging. They saw a future where there were literally "no Mosquitoes nor Flies. Insect screens will be unnecessary. Boards of health will have destroyed all mosquito haunts and breeding-grounds, drained all stagnant pools, filled in all swamp-lands, and chemically treated all still-water streams.
What We Have Instead:
Vegetarians.
#5.The Future of War: Road Warrior
What They Predicted:
In the past, men envisioned the modern world as a dark dystopia where "war cars will be used for all modern ground combat" and "giant guns will shoot twenty-five miles or more, with shells that explode entire cities." And that isn't terribly far off from the scale of artillery we have now. However, they thought the only logical counter-measure to these god-bullets were gargantuan "bomb-proof forts, protected by great steel plates over their tops as well as sides. Huge forts on wheels that will dash across open spaces at the speed of express trains."
What We Have Instead:
KIA Rio and the Prius.
#4.Global Relations: USA! USA! USA!
What They Predicted:
We don't know what, exactly, people were smoking back in the 1900s, but boy did it make them love America. The 1900s man loved America so much he believed that other countries would be begging to join us by now. They honestly believed that "Nicaragua will ask for admission to our Union ... Mexico will be next," followed shortly thereafter by the majority of Europe. According to their predictions, everyone was supposed to be just lining up to join us, and it was only a matter of time before the entire world just became Planet America.
What We Have Instead:
Instead, in the last 10 years alone we've lost the majority of our international allies, started up a few wars that didn't go so well, and with our unemployment so high and our dollar value so low, any other country would be stupid for even thinking about hopping aboard.
#3.Physical Fitness: We Will Be Breeding Super Children
What They Predicted:
1900s American Man assumed that, by this time, we'd be teaching gymnastics and starting weight training for babies. Babies. Honestly: They looked at a babies, with their tiny hands and soft skin and eyes full of wonder and thought, "Man, what a pussy." These horse-massacring bastards were not fucking around: They imagined gymnastics starting in the nursery, "where all toys and games will be designed to strengthen the muscles." Maybe they're just trying to breed cheap, reliable labor to make up for all the horses they planned on murdering.
What We Have Instead:
Fat asses.
#2.Education: A Brilliant and Generous Future
What They Predicted:
Even in the 1900s - when they were stuffing children down the toilet to clear out clogs - they still thought we'd be sending poor kids around the world on vacation by now. They believed university education would be free to everyone, and that poor students would be given free board, clothing, books, and during vacation time "poor children will be taken on trips to various parts of the world."
What We Have Instead:
High school drop outs due to the lack of money for further education.
Personal Transportation; Awesome, Yet Goatshit Crazy
What They Predicted:
Like everybody else, turn-of-the-century man was absolutely certain we'd all be flying by now. They didn't imagine flying cars or jetpacks or anything implausible like that - they just thought bi-planes (before we'd even officially made the first flight!) and balloons would be enough to keep modern man airborne constantly. Obviously we don't all have jetpacks or even measly personal hovercrafts, so obviously all of human technological achievement is a huge fucking letdown. Even in the most simple of transportation matters we have disappointed them tremendously.
What We Have Instead:
Slow, earthbound food distributors. And we're too retarded to even work those right. Good job, society; just ram that Taco Bell until burritos pop out. You're a champ.
