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Should the government regulate gas prices?

20 Excuses not to go to Work ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 1. If it's all the same to you I won't be coming to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today. 2. When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the toilet, but I feel good...

You Know You're an E-mail Junkie If ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 1. You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed. 2. You get a tattoo that reads: "This body best viewed with Netscape Navigator 4.0 or higher." 3...

Newly Discovered Computer Viruses ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Bill Clinton Virus: Gives you a 7" hard drive with no memory, then won't let you query the system for information. Al Gore Virus: Runs quietly in background mode, but doesn't appear to really do much of anything...

Why Star Wars Characters Would Kick Butt In The Star Trek Universe ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 1:In the Star Wars universe, weapons rarely, if ever, are set on "stun." 2:The Enterprise needs a huge engine room with an anti-matter unit and a crew of...

You May Be A Redneck Pilot If : --------------------------------------- 1.Your stall warning plays "Dixie." 2.Your cross-country flight plan uses flea markets as check points. 3.You think sectionals charts should show trailer parks. 4.You've ever used moonshine as avgas. 5.You...

Should Pit Bull owners be required to get a special license?

Dating Vs Marriage ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ When you are dating..... Farting is never an issue. When you are married ....You make sure there's nothing flammable near your husband at all times. When you are dating..... He takes you out to have a good time. When you are married ....He brings...

What Men Really Mean ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "It's a guy thing." Really means...."There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical." "Can I help with dinner?" Really means...."Why isn't it...

Pick-Up Lines ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 1.I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hands. 2.Would you be my love buffet? So I can lay you out on the table and take what I want? 3.The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word. 4.Do your legs hurt from...

Mean Things To Say To People ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 1.Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental! 2.Are your parents siblings? 3.As an outsider, what do you think of the human race? 4.Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people. 5.Do you ever...

How to Identify Where a Driver is From -------------------------------------------------- 1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Chicago. 2. One hand on wheel, one finger out window: New York. 3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: New Jersey...

12 Step Program Of Recovery For Web Addicts ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 1. I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my PAPER newspaper like I used to, before the Web. 2. I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing. 3. I will get...

Top 10 Signs That Your Co-Worker Is A Computer Hacker 1. You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was $20,000. 2. He's won the Publisher's Clearing House sweepstakes three years running. 3. When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex. 4. Seems strangely calm whenever the...

Could you ever evict your best friend?

The Top Internet Commandments ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 1.Thou shalt not downloadeth porn on thine work computer, lest ye be cast out. 2.Thou shalt *** EARN *** REDEMPTION *** FAST!!!! *** 3.Thou shalt not make for yourself a graven image of that which is copyrighted. 4.Thou...

How to Shower Like a Woman ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 1.Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. 2.Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. 3.Look at your womanly physique in the...

Did Your Ex Cheat Then Leave You In Debt?

You Know You're Too Stressed If... ----------------------------------------------- 1.Relatives that have been dead for years come visit you and suggest that you should get some rest. 2.You can achieve a "Runners High" by sitting up. 3.You say the same sentence over and over...

Top Ten Signs Your Spouse May Be Having An On-Line Affair ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1. Lately she sits at the computer naked. 2. After signing off, he always has a cigarette. 3. The giant rubber inflatable disk drive. 4. In the...